The world is not my oyster

Negative Default

I won’t get up this morning,
I can’t get out of bed.

No point in making effort,
My life is doomed to fail.

The gloom and the worries and fears
I can’t leave behind.

The gloom and the worries and fears
Consuming my mind.

The world is not my oyster,
It’s the shark that swallows me.

The day I wrote this song I was in bed and overwhelmed by life in general. It was a day off from work but I just didn’t have the energy to get out of bed.

I get those days on occasion and it’s not anything to do with having the flu or a fever. I suffer with depression. It’s a very heavy thing.

A big part of depression for me is constant battles with negative thoughts in my mind. I have a negative default therefore it takes a lot of effort to go against my instinct and find positivity. This particular day I rolled over to get the laptop up and I recorded a demo using only the laptop’s microphone the keyboard and recording software.

It ended up sounding a bit muffled but still it was a little progress. It was also a way to slowly help me back up. The next day came and I wasn’t feeling as heavy.

*Disclaimer: I don’t always manage to recover from my down days but this particular day ended up being a slight victory! It isn’t always straightforward from my experience*

Eventually over time I recorded the song again using some slightly better equipment. It’s not exactly Bohemian Rhapsody, heck the verses don’t even rhyme! However it serves it’s purpose as a expression of that suffering.  Also this particular time I could use the song to acknowledge what was happening. Recognising what is happening can often be the first step in recovery.

Approximately 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health problem each year and I think anyone suffering needs to know they aren’t alone. There is help out there if you think you need it. Go see your GP and they can discuss medication or speaking to a therapist.



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